Beneath the Surface

"There is more going on beneath the surface than we think, and more going on in little, finite moments of time that we would guess" - Malcolm Gladwell

Life sometimes seems to require a mask from us. A mask of convention; or manners; or acceptable persona. Masks can protect our privacy, provide healthy boundaries, and help with discernment. Other masks can hide our real thoughts, our true emotions, our assessment of a mission critical situation. We create personal brands, images, personas - to fine tune our ‘offer’ to this team, this organisation, this client. This camouflage can hold tension between amplifying what we offer, and hiding some of who and what we are.

So, what you see is what I have chosen to offer; or what I believe is safe to offer; or is required of me in this context. My intention is that what you see is what you get.

But what you see - using your sight and perception - is only one of the sensory inputs available to you. What about what you hear? Words spoken and emphasised. Words not spoken - words which might be missing. Tone of voice. Volume, assertiveness, strength conveyed. Hesitation. Silence. Or what you pick up in the energy offered, not offered or exchanged. 

Underneath the mask or the surface - what is going on? 

Coaching leaders has taught me that when you are ready to change something - and you’re not sure how - discovering what is beneath the surface is helpful. Underneath your behaviours, and the impacts you are having, are your thoughts and feelings which drive those behaviours and impacts. And underneath your thoughts and feelings are your values and beliefs. Each of these important aspects is influencing your behaviour. And you are not always conscious of each fleeting thought, feeling or mood. When you want to make a change in something that matters to you - it pays to slow things down and have a look beneath the surface. It helps to make conscious some of your subconscious or unconscious processes. For a useful exploration of this topic, I suggest that you start with yourself.

When you’re in a suitable place and time, take a few moments to explore beneath the surface for yourself?

• Firstly, identify something you’d like to change … (This can be your mood; your own self-talk; a relationship; an outcome; or something bigger.)

• Take a few moments to consider your current ‘position’ on this. Your position could be how you would describe your current reality about this thing; or how you would describe it to someone else; or how you would sum it up in one sentence.

 Now ask yourself the following questions: 

• How would I like this to be different? 

• What are the key factors involved in making any change?

• What matters to me about this change?

As you answer the questions consider what you are learning - is everything in your answers explicit in your position? Or are you already discovering some things which might be beneath the surface? 

Some other useful questions include: 

• What are you keeping to yourself in this?

• What is negotiable and non-negotiable for you?

• What does your heart say? Your gut?

• How will changing this change your role? Your contribution? Your reputation? Your legacy?

Good luck with your quest beneath the surface. 

If you’d like to learn more about yourself as a leader (moment by moment); or to work with a coach; or to find some new tools:

• You can begin your process by undertaking your own reflection on your leaders with presence self-assessment; or

• please reach out to us at leaderswithpresence@gmail.com